bothered

hmm..I am into the second week of school with him as my school mate. It has been two faithful years of wait. This explains why there is the feeling inside me that is beyond description. I thought it was joy all along, but i beg to difer. It isn't. I knew all along that studies has been his main prority . On the surface, i fully agree that we have to work hard. However, deep within, I feel so neglected and depressed. Has studies overtook my position in his heart? The answer lies in his actions. Maybe i am too attention-seeking, over-demanding ...
After some serious considerations, i realise it must be tough on him. Having to face stiff competitions from his peers, tuitions and at the same time.try to make time for his parents and me, it must be tough. I am trying to understand his situation but i find it hard to control my misses. We did spend more time, but it doesn't seem to be quality time these days. Either we are rushing here or there to save time for studies, or we are meeting up to mug... Do we know what each other is thinking, what is bothering each other, why is each other always alone??? How should i convince myself that all are fine when i am tying so hard not waste his time. Sometimes, he thinks that time not spend in muging is wasted. And these days, everytime before calling him, I'll struggle for quite some time. I don't want to waste his time.

Neglected.Bothered.Flustered.