hi dear..yeah it was a fabulous prom nite..dear..it doesn't matter wher we r..it oni matters that im with u...no doubt u looked "extra" beautiful yester..dolled up so nicely..hope u like the flowers..hope u had a great nite..
woke up this morn to realise i have 8 daes left..
more impt..to all..pls pray hard for the victims..havin fun is impt..but pls show some humanity..honour the dead..
short entry..bye

dear..think ther was some unhappiness last nite..hope u have gotten over it..juz hope to see u become a real lady thats all....
but im much much more sadden by tsunami..hear me rite..my heart realli pains when i see n hear more n more abt the tragedy..to those who have lost their loved ones...im sorry..i realli feel ur pain..n i sincerly hope they will rest in peace..realli hurts me a lot...broken family..lost love ones..i got a friend whose friend tellin me how sad his dad was workin in gleneagles..a family lost a dad a mom leavin a 3 yrs old kid..for another..a wife lost his hushband n all her children..it muz have hurt..lets forget abt economics..coz money cant buy life..n life is the most precious gift of god..
had been watchin cnn cna bbc till late these daes..2am?3am?..n it hurts more n more..im sorry i cant put myself to smile these daes..think u be seein the less funny side of me..i cant help it..im saddened by the loss..3000 death to 20000 death to 50000 death n presently its 80000...
god oh god..pls have mercy on these people..most of them dun even have enough of food on normal daes...this incident realli makes me doubt the presence of god..any religion..the torment and sufferin on these people are unbearable..its a scar that cant be hidden..
if im god..i would rather i endure all sufferings..so that mankind prevails..if im god..i would rather tsunami hurt me...then to destroy the people's life...
rapid baurial..stenchin bodies..rottin decease..flies on wounds..bloatin body that pupurled due to lack of oxygen..i realli feel a lot..n for those that have seen this blog..heres something i read off a christian book...
if everybody on earth is to pray for something..the something will always come true.
pls pray that the victims souls rest in peace and that more survivors can be found.
Peace.

Christmas eve and day 2425122004..a dae i will never forget

wow..dear..love is so awesome..n im crazin over u..lovin u bits n peices..loving u so much..
simply..love u..
wat an eve...come to think abt it..its oni our 2nd eve..but tis dae was meant to be special..santa gave me my wish..n im so thankful..i feel like crying..realli do..but no..i wun..i must hold on..wat a dae..its gg 3 am..baby...i still wana tell u i love u so so much..i cant stop smiling..pls..pls..let me take care of u..for life..i realli mean it..wat the sun means to the earth..is wat u mean to me..i cant lose u..i sincerly cant..
heres the eve..me been shoppin so many daes for my dear's gift n i reall spend a lot of time n effort..tryin to get some special stuff..bear..skirt..shirt..silvery..xceries..hamsters..bags..shoes.. i went orchard..jp..cck..bpp..tbp..ps..thers juz so much gifts..so it became a headache.(dear..im fine now.)
so woke up tis morn..woke up early..n set off at 1240..shld have enough time rite?wrong..haha..drop 1 stop more..cant squeeze out..quite unbelievable rite? so walk all the way to ps wher thers more bears..more skirts..more etc..unbelievable..kids shld be so thankful..lifes so gd for them..went heeren..clock ticked..dear called..im like.."i call u when im done k..wait ok?" n msg "dear, 5 more minutes ok?"heart in the mouth..
Ayha!Giodarno..ok i noe its lame..its plain..its so unfestive..so normal..but that was e oni thing sticky to my mind..dear..i still think im so bad..yah..got 2 shirt..one sphet..one v.."s" size..ok a bit short..but can change rite?haha got mistaken as an ABC..think im gg drop my buisness conversation accent..im a singaporean..happily..no..worriely hush out n got to heeren..was walkin n lookin at the floor thinkin"wat have i done here..oh my..im so useless..its so plain..get a card?wher?got time?oh no.."worried...absoluetly...
finalli meet up with dear...unbelievable..coz the dress looks fabulous on her(dear..it does..do note that its not the other way round i.e.she looks gd in dress)it realli does..yup..lady..famine(hunger?ok i spell wrongly)..elegant..one word:beautiful..oh my..lookin at myself..im startin to get worried..but think im alrite rite?walked to 4 way junc...theneh..take picture!haha..so happi..coz..ok..coz..very happi..haha..yup..went up to heeren..annex isssit?haha..changed bills to coins..but the process was difficult..i got lost inside(dear,no laughin..think peeps who noe me well noe that im quite lost.)finalli took pics..wow..dear looked gorgeous..realli..then had to add design n pattern..haha..quite suprised that 2 science students can do so well..haha..got it laminated..
on the way down..
came to my realisation teenagers are so bold,daring,free,so un orderly..hmm..juz felt that from way people dresss..culture shock?yes..im no orchardbug..im libraryworm..n then got to the telephatic spot.."start with T ritez?"haha.."yah"..wow..think i can feel for my dear..yupz boaty at tiong bahru..very squeezy in train..as always..no seats..saw 1 jjcian..forgot her name..im sorry i realli have bad bad memory..
yeah reach tbp..n got our normal boaty..think the ambience is gd..window seats..hot food..cozy tables..yah n gd food..had our usual meat n veg boaty..awe..think my dear is so so hungry..tucked in le..haha..hotdog..veg..balls..meat..fish..rice wow..gd gd food..so full..but my dear is noT!awe dardar..nxt time let me noe okie?muz feed u till u full my precious..took train now to kallang..had some sweet moments wrappin my dear in my arms..so so comfy..so loving..so love..so loved..train to kallang was fast..."reached le?"i was shocked...
haha..reach kallang..tryin to find heaven n earth(haha for peeps out ther..no puns here..merely a drink)dear..i think cheers have..next time i muz get it for u ok?waited a while..for bus..everybody so dressed for church..think my dear got tired..rested onto me a while..not forgetin those "droppin incident" which i shell not discuss..awe dear..im ther k?n im not generous so i'll help u..board bus...reach indoor stadium...
dear was so anxious..think she wanted a rest badly..awe..im sorry baby..couldnt help u much..but got our way into the stadia..oh my..thers so many peeps..can u imagine the whole indoor stadium is full..as CHC puts it "capacity crowd" had a hard time locatin our seats..haha dear got so anxious..she asked this poor chap..whers this then listen to phone without his reply..then ask again..got some reply..but listen to phone more..then walked off..poor chap..yah no nxt time k?dear..ther r helpers..muz be more respectful k?haha..aniway i noe u r nvr disrespectful..juz got anxious at the moment..but dear..they tried to help..got our seats..wow.. the performance was spectecular..okie thers loads of songs..skit..prayers..but i think i shall sae in catagories...
thers a lot of hope..u look at all the peeps around..u noe religion evolves arnd their life..n in him..they find hope..a desire to be a useful being..a gd being..how do i noe..i looked at kid..elderly n teenager..thers so much unfufilled dreams that they believe he has set out for them..
thers a lot of joy...this church to me is so joyous..so happi..so joyous...people were singingg...with a smile..its unbeievable(its 340 so spelling detoriatin)..everybody is so at home so in tune..so family..its sucha joy.."silent nite..holy nite.."feels so so gd..
thers a lot of entertainment..which i strongly detest coz i dun think wanted peeps to break their bones for that..n a very dramatic skit..okie..thats seriously wat i dun like..thats entertainment..i noe its christmas..but i would like to sae: we celebrate this dae for he was born to salvage mankind..not for entertainment..maybe more love for god..CHC..food for thought....
thers lotz of manipulation..the pestor is the best salesperson..if u realise he lead his congregtion thru a series of questuons..answers..self comforts..relation to all men..n high regard to him..dear this is actualli a way of manipulation..ask any phycologist..this guy is powerful..he controls people's mind..thats scary..im not one of them luckily..
but overall its a lively church no doubt..think im more in for quiet hymns..prayers..songs..dear..
u dun have to be loud to get to him..u have to be sincere..feel it..sing it..not the other way..no offences CHC but honestly..how many peeps pray n dun feel for him..im worried..i looked around..peeps were playin hp games or msgs..not a gd sign at all...but yup..gtg n left at 9+
SO COLD..haha..hug u tight in the bus..n lay a kiss on ur face..dear..hopefulli it somehows warm ur heart...took train back..dear was famish yet tired..poor thing..but can smell cake le..so decided to hang on..found seats..n she juz wrap across me n rested..awe..thats so nice a feelin...realli..me tried to sing..hymn..but juz fail to let u zz dear..awe..had a lovin time..n reached je le..woke up n board 333..haha..dear wante to open her gift..so naughty..so love u...haha..on 333 okie?(dear i cant make it le..its gg 4..will finish it soon ok?muack!)
n im back its 5 now haha..5pm..christmas dae..still tired..(for those who think i logged for 13hrs no i woke at 10 n got to go somewher)...yah..so we went up n my dear opened her present..heartbeat so fast..yet so scared to dissapoint..very worried..but my dear saw it n she was happi..awe..dear..thks for loving my norm xmas gift..next yr be better k..but my dear kept liking it..think she was so happy.."thats what i wanted".."thats e color"..felt so gd when u r happi dear..well..got quite a few kisses..awe so sweet..love ur lips to bits le..saw dead was so happi..so xingfu..awe..a few more kisses..awe so much vive and love..dear..i treasure ur love..realli do..
Accompanied dardar home..yup its aunties birthdae..haha..i was pretty nervous realli..but i noe if i went my dear would be so so happy..n she was..hugged me and told me dun worry...phew.. got into her hm..greeted auntie..bro..gave the pressies..cut cake n eat cake..think her mom was happy..i mean she welcomed me so much..but yah think she got quite serious after the "sweepin and moppin" incident..over-sensitive?definately not..think can feel shes a little angry..realli dear..trust my instincts k?n wasnt happy with dear coz i accidentally saw what i didnt want to see..oh my..yah..quite disapointed the way dear behaved at hm..i mean..dear's 19..n as a lady..obviously i hope she tries to be more protective and sensitive over some stuff..dear.. treasure urself okie?left her place soon...
Got near bustop..gotto say i didnt wana sae gd bye..was hoppin dear asked me to stay..think not her..was pacin..dug my pockets..look back..look up..no shadows again..think i realli showed my displeasure or nuisance..but i juz wanted to let her noe..some impt things muz(not shld) be done in some ways..kinda disspointed that as a bf...coz juz thought all girls noe its not to rite to be less careful in some issues..(for those who dun understand..dun think dirty pls..although contents sound explicit)
Think i went hm...and open pressie..love it dear..muackz!belt(need to slim)...wallet(need to fatten)haha..but i treasure them dear..co its from u..ask bag if need clarification...awe so sweet..decided to call dear to prevent unhappiness over e issues or nonsense i started..think she was fine..realli?...went hm..nobody..gosh shouldnt have left..maybe she shld not let me leave..
think my parents n sis were party animals(former reach hm 13o..latter reach hm 230)..at 1145 i was early..so sad..miss u so much..n called dear..think i made her tear in the conversation..
"why didnt u stop me"..how selfish can i be..but all guys wana feel loved at times like that..
nonsense?yes.love?yes.why cant i stop her..dear..think its easier for u to sae somehow..but maybe not u..couldnt remember guys stopin girls oni remember the other way round..Chauvinistic?pride?egoistic?yes but i guess somehow all guys are a little at times..baby pardon me for the nonsense k..actualli..u dun have to live with them..but love prevailed...i was juz wishin if thers god..pls allow santa to grant me a wish..i wana see her..n guess..guess..guess..
My god..shes here..she lied to me..n it was 1230..so late..dear.im shocked..im touched..n yes there was some tears..i had to withstand it..cant cry..she was tearin..i hug her so tight nit seemed forever..we then went to sit..(i pinched myself okie?)..ther was my love..awe..i try to hush her up..awe..we realli kissed n made up..it was a long deep one..think 2X..so much love n emotions..feelings...affection..awe...held her tight..wana let her noe i love her so much..she hide in my arms..she said she loved it.."can i rest forever".."yeah if u let me marry u".."shoulders so cusiohin..feel so gd"..in my head..i was praying..dear..i swear i will love n cherish u..n one dae i muz marry u..im urs..sounds mawkish..but love is so sweet..so affectionate..awe..think my dear loved me so much..she rested for a while..but i swear she will be the oni woman to rest there..oni woman..no others(not even mom)..hugged her tight and told her we had to bid goodbye..gave her one last kiss..muack..n saw her to the taxi back...
Wat a nite..to god..i oni have 1 wish..i sincerly want to marry my dear..love her and cherish her for the rest of her life..pls..pls..pls..grant me my wish..i swear i'll try my utmost to protect and respect her..never to ill treat her..coz this is the least she deserve----my love.

all my bags are packed

haha...dar dar..all my bags r packed...okie..yah this song keeps hummin in my mind..im leavin real soon..yah gg miss u lotz..thats why i wish u had worked less these daes..but yupz..some things cant be help n i muz juz try to understand..miss u..oh my..dear..im sory for being harsh..accept my apologies but i wish for more time with u...dumb?absolutely me.

How do I,Get through one night without you?If I had to live without you,What kind of life would that be?Oh, I need....I need you in my arms, need you to hold,You're my world, my heart, my soul,If you ever leave,Baby you would take away everything good in my life,And tell me nowHow do I live without you?I want to know,How do I breathe without you?If you ever go,How do I ever, ever survive?How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?Without you,There'd be no sun in my sky,There would be no love in my life,There'd be no world left for me.And I,Baby I don't know what I would do,I'd be lost if I lost you,If you ever leave,Baby you would take away everything good in my life,And tell me now,How do I live without you?I want to know,How do I breathe without you?If you ever go,How do I ever, ever survive?How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?Please tell me baby,How do I go on?If you ever leave,Baby you would take away everything,I need you with me,Baby don't you know that you're everything,Good in my life?And tell me now,How do I live without you,I want to know,How do I breathe without you?If you ever go,How do I ever, ever survive?How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?How do I live without you?How do I live without you baby?

phew

dear..yester was a real close call..i love u..dun leave me..thk god.

aRRGGGHHH!

todae is realli unbveielivable..feel so down so sad n yet no one comforted me..im realli tired..
cant believe she got angry when i said her hm is one of the messiest...can u believe this kid..who juz plainly wana help..got bitten in sucha way..maybe im an idiot..i cant believe it..she was Angry..for?for i love her so much n im willing to give in n give up so much for her..im realli saddened..told her i love her so many times..n yet she was angry..oh my...i had a real bad nite..thinkin n thinkin..im tired..try zzz 3 odd hrs..its bad enough and yet i wonder how can she zz as though nothin happen..i need some comfortin..im oni human..i need love..i look up at the sky firin so much questions..why wun u comfort me..why muz i tell u then u will comfort me..why muz i always break silence..why muz u hug ur bag..do u even realise that huggin ur bag indirectly tells me my non-exsistance..why wun u sae something..why wun u cry..why wun u hug me..am i realli tha bad..i cant stand it..n worst if u read this im so scared u will ask me to break up..why wun u juz love me more..do u see e pain in my eyes..e agony of lovin someone so much yet recievin so little..have u ever seen a big man tear..why..why wun u show a wee bit more love..more concern..n comfort..cant believe i have to look up e sky for those..do u even noe e way i feel..how much i tried to give in..its becoz i love u..n u got angry over such an issue.. u turned cold last nite..absolutly..im so saddedned after showerin u with all my heart..i swear ii'll cherish u n this is e best i can do..i dunno wat i did wrong..but when will u juz look at me tell me "dear im sorry" izzit my fault..i beg to differ...i feel like i lost u..i need someone who shower me with love too..someone that noe im sad n is willing to cheer me up..am i askin too much?how i wish u didnt went work n juz ask me to go beach with u..u didnt..n that didnt cross ur mind.. so who will love me? i look up then my head turned down..i look back ther was no one..not even ur shadow..think u prefer feel n silence..i lost my feel...i dun wana break silence..i dun wan keep comfortin..i wana be comforted..n dun sae fen shou..coz if u love me..u will noe its gonna tear my heart even more..i wonder whether u remember every little thing i do..or maybe if im gone..u will come to cherish n love me more..dunno whether u realise thers this kid out ther always thinkin of all means to cheer u up..think u will sae u noe..n u might sae i dun need to..but why not u try to make this kid noe that all hes doin is worth it..i sound so sick..askin for love..im so ashame of myself..im so digusted with myself..im so..useless.

my fav tee! 

hAPPY 13 month anniversary! doesn't my dear looks smart??
its been 13months since we got together! haha... and this is my day off! we met up at 230 at jurong east mrt station.. and set off... to JUNCTION EIGHT! never been there... so yup! dear brought me there to shop! ya... saw a beautiful shaft... but mum dun allow me to buy.. say waste of money.. got scolded then.. but ya.. dear was there... so yup. at least i dun feel so bad.. he kept trying to cheer me up.. love you! then we kept shoppping.. and shopping.. wow! junction 8 is big! haha... saw some kids using styrofoam to make snow on top... hahaha.. and there were kids below trying to keep the "snow".. so cute! ya..we kept shoping for heels! my dear became my personal "nanny'.. keep helping me to wear shoes... awe.. so sweet.. =) then we went to eat kaya toast.. DELICIOUS! wonder how they toast the bread! so crispy butter juz melts in your mouth... kaya wa good too! yakun breakfast? next time muz eat again! then we set off to esplanade for some peace... went to eat thai express.. got to say yakun was nicer.. hahaz.. but i love every dinner with darling... tried soft shell crab.. interesting.. coz we ate the shell... haven gotten diarrhoea yet.. and yes! darling, tian hua you hao ma ma? hahaa... then we scroll by the river and watch the night view of singapore... quite beautiful.. never really see such sight in singapore yet... =) especially with your love one beside you, everything juz seems so romantic and peaceful.. haha.. ya.. no kissing right darling? got rejected 4 times, but accepted6 or 7 times? so ya.. cannot complain k! ya.. then we had some sharing of past.. felt much better after telling him.. cried but i have got his shoulder... so comfi.. awe... haha.. and ya i was shy.. for some time. so have to hide in your arms.. oko.. sno laughing dear.. really shy.. you should know why.. *winks* had a good 13th month celebration.. miss you now dear........

lazy

haha..dar dar..where shld i start..erm east coast? bukit panjang? jtc?heart so filled with emotions think if i type everything..figer need screws le..haha so muz feel okieZ?haha..so tire ok lets backtract..todae went runnin..5k at least..after so much soccering.. yeah think my leg was achein..my back too..haha..everywher..lazy freddy..not much goals now..not much drive now..dun wana feel like tat..haha..had probs doin pull up n sit up..okie..no laughin..will improve..yah..think muz train up stamina..was runnin when all my lifestory skim past me..pri scch..sec sch..jc..ah..very standard..proud of sometimes i've done..shameful of the rest..yah
hmm..realise i miss books too..realli do..okie okuie..lets recount then..yester...went to find job..seriously..im not drivven by money..get me a job i like n im sure i will do my utmost to xcel..
went jtc..some tall building with dar dar..gosh so many peeps lookin..n they are oni 16 mostly..unbelievable..do their parents noe? i swas thinkin..n yah recuit express..recuit centre base on commision..dear..they needed u more than u needed them..think..its the truth..those peeps were as desperate as us..yah..my dar dar wore a beautiful skirt..n a long sleeveshirt..dear think u shld dress like that more..think u realli look gorgeous..haha christmas tree.. remembered when i was young..aunt's hm..christmas..awe..but osono snow..went on to look for my job...half hearted..but dear wanted me to see it thru..dar dar..i realli think ther r better jobs..i juz need one chance..giveme me job n i shall excel..i wana be succesful..n trust me promoter..waitress..skales wun make a gd cv actualli on long run..it ruins it..read frm papers..ah..got interview..the guy was starin at me..hard stare..n i looked him in the eye..until his eyes moved off mine..im confident as he is..realli n that shocked him coz after that he didnt wana see me.. i realli think peeps shld be daring to ask ven when applyin jobs..the other two jc gals..ar let them go ntu or nus..in this world u seriously need wits n comm skills..Think,Speak,Impress.. even if u made a fool..so wat?at least u r bold..guess im so different n i xpect alot.but thats part of evolution..okie..think im off haha..yah then went taka..wow so crowded..money realli spins.. hmm..thinkin how to be rich..haha..went to eat with dar dar..gd food..i gotto sae..saw jacq..think shes shoppin..rich?maybe..then left for hm..never forgetin the stare of love..n the hugs n kisses.. awe dar dar was so loving...muack!okie now is time for bk panjang plaza..haaha..dar dar was like so unhappi when she saw me..dampen my spirits..realise hp got probs..dear..next time pls dun panic or worry..calm down.think.seriously i cant tell her enough of this..yah but dar dar is till dar dar..i mean even if im distured..shes my oni dar dar..muz love muz cherish..so yup ate at bk panjang..food terrible..realli..i mean the rice..yah shop a while..n think saw dar dar frend..haha saw the revealin shirt..hope she love it..coz its hers alreadi..dar dar muz teng ai u see..hmm..went hm le..not forgtin to see her hm..okie now for east coast...haha hand pain le.. haha..bedok..incredible..east coast..muz feel..realli coz thers too much lovey dovey to pen catch up nxt time!

its a beautiful day............. wew ent to look for jobs together.. not that easy actually.. waited and stuff... yup.. met up at jurong east.. my dear was so early.. =) i wasn't late too...yup... so we went to maken! i was in my new skirt! and my dear said i look good!!!!! hehehzz..=) guess what!!! yup.. so sweet of my dear... he went to bukit panjang plaza early in the morning to get me the shirt i want!!!!!!! awe... how sweet... =) then we went for my interview and things went quite smoothly i gues.. afterwhich we went to bugis for his..... dear got to go for training! so yup! thats accepted i think! so now its up to whether the job is good oor not.. then we went to ngee ann city for my interview again.. but realized was the same company as jurong.. so yup didn't went in then.. hahaz.. tummy groaning! so went to eat at taka! wow! delicious! the seafood soup was so fresh and clear! delicious! and my dear help me peel prawn shell...awe... so sweet.. it was late.. and we had to go home for dinner... dear dear.. alright.. you are nicer to hug than doggie..(o"o) never went interview with darling before and i muz say he is the best companion! =)